So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
