And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You made out with two different species that night
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
