I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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