I want to have your abortion
My underwear smells like fireworks.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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