i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Semen is not good for contacts.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
