I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
