Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
whose parrot is this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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