I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
