Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I love you. Go after that dick
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
