All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
