the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
