I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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