508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
