Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
