The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
