hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
