Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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