Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
