capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he thought i was a dude.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
