Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
