I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
