I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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