If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize