im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
