I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
