Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
