last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
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