I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
