i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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