I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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