Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
