I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
