I think I just saw someone hide a body.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
