My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
