I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
