Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
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Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
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Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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