Dual....:-)
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
