Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
