He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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