he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
