On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
