Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
