And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
