Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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