oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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