shes about as inviting as chlamydia
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
