Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
