It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Send help, water and tortillas.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
