can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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