I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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