Your face is a jimmy john
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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