at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
So vagazzling was a success
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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