Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
