remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
