She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
