This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
