Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
