I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
