it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
