I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
