I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
