it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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