I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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