i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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