I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
