No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
