just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
