Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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