Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I have grass duct taped all over my body
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
